Another day dawns and I wake up in the same limbo land, waiting for my husband to die. There is no miracle coming, no progression in the opposite direction, only one ending. It’s like the slow pulling off of a Band-Aid, inch by inch as his body uses up all it’s reserves. His muscles are …
Obstreperous is the word I shall use to describe him today. I feel like I need eyes in the back of my head. I would like to believe that it is all a perfectly designed plan to make me lose my mind and scurry, gibbering, to the nearest institution that will have me. (It may …
Intimacy begins when you first meet a person, you look into their eyes, touch them and begin to share the very superficial part of yourself with them. Sometimes you find an immediate accord and you open up a little more, sharing a little deeper, finding commonalities, and just glancing at their morals hoping that they …
When someone dies, the first thing to do is nothing. Don’t run out and call the nurse. Don’t pick up the phone. Take a deep breath and be present to the magnitude of the moment. There’s a grace to being at the bedside of someone you love as they make their transition out of this …
We are surrounding him with love as we walk him home. R is in a coma and will soon complete his journey. He is peaceful and calm in his earthly home filled with friends and family coming to wish him Bon Voyage. His heart is strong and he will decide when he is ready.
Fast and furious is how Rob has always rolled. Big ideas, big spender, fast cars and huge big heart. We are hurtling toward the inevitable at light speed, and my heart cannot catch up with my brain that is frantically trying to adjust and pivot as our situation changes hourly it seems. We are on …
Today was truly a gift. To the friend that comes and cries on the couch with you (and comments on your roots), to another friend that has taken it upon herself to do drive by Starbucks every time she is in the area, to the amazing Cara who respects your choice to keep your 6’1”, …
So last night Rob slept from 5pm to 8.30am and when he woke up he had forgotten how to walk and sit down. Took me half an hour to get him to the bathroom and then the troops came in in the form of Silvano and Jake to get him down the stairs. He was …
I don’t even know where to begin describing today. It started at 4am, then 6, then 8 then 10 with multiple doses and really no effect. Agitation was high and then eased off as meds kicked in and then ramped up again and again and again. Cara explained that the ever elusive sweet spot, where …
When we bought this home in 1999, the feature that sold me was the light that streams into our bedroom in the afternoon. I have two wind chimes, one of bamboo and one that tinkles in the wind. I lie here with him in this room and I think about our life together, how rich …