When I first noticed something wrong with Rob, it was like trying to catch mist. It was there and then it wasn’t and he denied so vehemently, that I doubted my own perception. As things progressed, I looked for every excuse and all the while pursued the diagnosis with the tenacity of a bulldog. Confirmation was a relief that I wasn’t crazy, and yet I look at him still and question it. Yesterday we were evaluated for hospice and qualified.
I know that Rob will die from this disease,
I know that his quality of life diminishes daily,
I know I need help,
I know that he would not want to live this way,
I know that I cannot imagine a life without him and yet a part of me still wonders, did they make a mistake? One of Orange County’s top neurologists and a nurse that evaluates hospice need every day have deemed him worthy.
I
Feel
Numb.
My brain wonders how long can I stand this?
My heart whispers as long as it takes