Why not wear two different shoes, why not eat pancakes and carrot cake for dinner, why not color outside the lines? This has been a really tough week for me emotionally, watching him breathe and wondering every day what the next will bring. And then we slip into some kind of routine and our new …
Looking back at 3 years ago – 2 years after diagnosis. He really loved that car. Wow! FullSizeRender
My Sunday morning view. It’s hard for me to have no agenda. Doing nothing makes me anxious especially when there is so much to be done. Thing is, there will be a time for that in the after. Right now, he is here and my feet are on his lap and that is all that …
Sometimes you just need your Mom! Today was a day of calm for Rob and sheer panic for me. Dr. April came by to follow up and it turns out Rob had a seizure. She believes it is disease related vs. a reaction to meds which haven’t changed in a long while. Apparently seizures are …
So the whole of last week was super chill Rob was back to being beatific and I was seriously wondering if hospice was premature now that we had the meds dialed in. This morning we got up same as usual, he was completely “normal”. I set him up to shave and shower, got him started …
In Still Alice there is a scene where Alice, who has early onset Alzheimer’s, is unable to find the bathroom in her own home and no longer able to contain herself, pees in her pants. She is mortified and is sobbing as her husband changes her. Before I continue this story, I will tell you …
Woke up to this in my previously clean kitchen. Apparently “someone” felt like a raw sweet potato and cheese sandwich in the middle of the night. The peels were safely stored in the “door open all night” fridge, in a neat foil package.
I miss conversation. I miss planning. I miss humor. I miss looking forward to things with him. I miss him knowing things that we experienced together. Like the used car salesman that lent us a mini so I could take my drivers license cause I couldn’t parallel park and it was the smallest car possible. …
Video This is agitation. He is anxious and can’t stop moving, fiddling and fidgeting. His breathing is fast and he cannot relax. Reminds me of when I’m at the airport going on a trip, terrified I’ve forgotten my passport, visa, something that will derail my plans. It’s hard to distract and redirect at this point; …
So as we negotiate this rocky path, I am finding myself befuddled and tearful. I feel like I have a tight fist around my heart. I believe strongly that we are on the right path and that I have made good decisions, but there is a jarring discordance. I came to the realization that …